Rethinking Stress
When asked how you are, do you find yourself always making a point of saying you’re busy or tired or stressed? Whether you’re at that stage of fighting back tears because you’re overwhelmed with busyness or you’ve perfected the self-deprecating shrug of ugh, so crazy I barely eat lunch any more or the frenetically paced Icantbelievehowmuchihavetodoidonthavetimetobreathe, somehow or other the message will be given that You Are Busy.
More often than not, despite feeling quite the judge when other people do it, I find myself having to stop those sorts of words coming out of my own mouth. It’s harder than you think because, you know, I Am Busy.
I’ve often wondered why we do it, why it’s almost expected, as if our whole self-worth is wrapped up in having so much going on that we have to wear it like a badge of honour. Because we all know the busier you are, the more successful you are: as a yogi, a parent, a doctor, a dentist, and a candlestick maker. Right?
Well, no. And in theory I know this, hence the silent judgement, but in conversation it seems like an ingrained sense of urgency is necessary to be out there, part of the human race, racing towards… something.
When I caught up with yoga teacher and mindfulness coach Nikki Ralston at a recent ecostore #OnlyGoodStuff event I asked how she was, ready to tilt my head to the side and sympathise. (Which, let’s be honest, would merge neatly into me taking a breath and diving into my stuff next. I am nothing if not subtle.)
Except Nikki smiled and said life was full.
Not busy. Full.
She then spoke to a room of media sorts working to deadlines and suggested we need to rethink our view of stress in order to live a long, healthy life. That’s not to say we don’t meet our deadlines, rather that we focus on the moment or as I’ve heard calm types say, one thing at a time.
Although prolonged stress causes us to continually be in fight or flight mode, Nikki says it’s a part of life we can’t avoid and we should instead focus on perceiving it as positive, citing the powerful, feel-good hormone oxytocin that kicks in when sharing a touch, a hug, a sense of connection.
“Oxytocin is produced under the stress response. If we reach out to another person we start to produce more of it [which] lowers the stress response in our own body and in the person we’ve reached out to.”
She said even in yoga certain asanas bring you stress yet with practice you can find your breath as easily while upside down as when sitting in stillness. “Yoga is an opportunity to find yourself within stressful situations, to be truly present.”
Incorporating small, easily doable rituals into our daily life is a way of managing and moving from one part of our day to the next without carrying stress with us. Nikki recommended using the relaxation technique yogis will be familiar with: sit tall and close your eyes, be aware of how your body feels, be conscious of your breath, inhaling through the nose and exhaling out through the mouth.
Meditation, she says, doesn’t have to take up a huge amount of time and is something that can, and should, be worked into our day. “You don’t even have to close your eyes. A waking meditation can be done while in the car on the way to work and might only take five minutes. Just be aware of your breath, of your hands on the wheel.”
Knowing the signs of stress is key to keep from tipping over into distress of the body and mind. Physical symptoms can include headaches, nervousness, irritability, skin issues, heartburn, digestive problems, irregular or painful periods, increased blood sugar and an increased risk of diabetes.
Nikki also shared the acronym I SIT as a way to remember four methods to help deal with stress – Identify, Strengths, Imbalance, and Tension.
Identify:
- Notice stress triggers, identify where they come from
- Then let them go – write them down, journal, employ a positive mantra
Strengthen:
- Live a life that strengthens you
- Do things that make you happy like getting out in nature, walks on the beach
- At the same time, get real with yourself and acknowledge that you won’t be great at or enjoy everything
Imbalance
- Deliberately shift your life towards those moments that strengthen you
- (Is it just me, or is it very empowering to be told to find imbalance? Love it!)
Tension
- Find ways to reduce tension in your life, in your body (hint: yoga, meditation) and for people you care about
“I sit in meditation, I sit in nature and I practice yoga. This brings me compassion, calms my nervous system and makes me resilient.”
Having worked with the human body through massage and teaching yoga for 15 years, Nikki says she wishes people could see others in the same state of uncertainty as she has experienced them. “Over the years it’s helped me understand that while we’re not all the same on the outside, underneath we share this vulnerability. Making that connection is what brings me absolute joy.”
As a self-described juggler for many years, someone who could only give a short time to each part of her life, Nikki felt she was “only holding onto these precious things for fleeting moments. I don’t want that [now] because these are things I value, that are closest to my heart. I want to be really present when I’m teaching yoga and really be a mother when I’m with my daughter.”
Nikki says she is on a personal project to stop the glorification of busy, to stop the juggling and instead strive to hold onto what’s important.
“Saying life’s really full, rather than busy, invites enquiries rather than implying you’re too busy to talk. I invite you to change that too. Say life is full, not busy, and let go of the fear.”
I’m in.
– Jane
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Thanks for having us, ecostore! We were definitely in the right setting as Nikki said we should also be aware of what we use on our skin and in our cleaning products as certain chemicals can also be stressors. Ecostore list what goes into all their products and if they’re unsure about the safety of an ingredient they exclude it. We like that.
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© The Yoga Connection 2015