Minutiae

My alarm was set for 5.20am which is really 5.10am but I was already awake and turned it off at 5.15am and got out of bed and (did I call X back last night? Or did I forget again? I can’t forget again, I need to write things down or was X supposed to ring me? X is so unprofessional) switched on my phone to see some work emails that I quickly scanned while I got dressed and washed and (why did I eat so much dinner last night? Should I weigh myself? No, no time, I don’t want to know anyway but I do feel bigger than I felt yesterday so I should eat less today which is so not the way I want to think because I DON’T and I’m over that crap but seriously these yoga pants have shrunk) raced through exercises set by my acupuncturist and breathing person designed to help me relax and soothe my neck but I did them really quickly and didn’t breathe all the way out from the diaphragm and (we’ve got no food in the house, so my card, I’ll need that for the supermarket and I need to remember the chemist too so, yeah ok I’ll do that, except no coffee, absolutely no coffee. Ok, decaf, double shot but only because I deserve a treat and it’s not real) then tried to do them when I was gulping down some warm water with lemon which I remembered we needed more of but I forgot the shopping list and fell up the stairs trying to run quietly to get it and not wake anyone and then when I got in the car I saw it was exactly 5.47am which is actually 5.47am less five minutes when I should really leave at exactly 5.44am and I drove a little faster than normal even though it was raining and (my ankle hurts. I should try to meditate again, meditation would be so amazing because proper yogis meditate and don’t listen to the voices in their heads saying wahoo, you’re meditating) I turned the radio on and changed channels until the second set of lights before the motorway because nothing sounded right and it was all ads and when I heard a sad song I cried a bit because I thought of a situation that was making me unhappy and then I got mad because I’d already had a talk with myself about that and (I forgot the credit card, for ***** sake, just great, just really great, now we’ve got no food and I don’t know how I’m going to get everything done I need to get done today and next week’s going to be crazy and Christmas and summer and how do I juggle work if anyone comes to stay and are we just buying gifts for the children this year or adults too because, ugh, money) every single vehicle on the road conspired to make me late and once I’d parked and was part-way up the stairs to the studio I couldn’t remember if I’d locked the car and thought about running down later to check but once I got inside…

I put my mat down.

I fidgeted until extended Child’s Pose and felt my belly rise and fall on my thighs. It was soft and comforting, and I didn’t once think about weighing myself.

I didn’t fully listen until my teacher said, be still, be here in the moment, nothing else matters. It was clear and comforting and I thought, everything will work out in the end, it usually does.

I didn’t realise my neck was so tight until some gentle hands eased my head back to lighten the load. It was kind and comforting, and my jaw unclenched with relief.

I flowed through Chaturanga to Downward Dog, stood firm in Warrior II and fell out of Standing Half Moon. It was fine and good and I remembered to smile.

Stretching from fingertips to toes those worries and words, and thoughts and fears, slid away. They slunk off to wait outside the studio door with an eye on the clock thinking they’d catch me on the way out.

But my heart just shrugged. The minutes outside were still going to move forward. With or without me, they were simply marking time, each and every second full of possibility.

The day was mine.

– Jane

©The Yoga Connection