Never Have I Ever

1. Eaten Kentucky Fried Chicken

My sister thinks this a Big Deal and it’s one of the first things she likes to tell people when introducing me. I don’t know if they’re as amazed as she thinks they should be but it’s good to have something for the resume.

I’m mostly vegan now but even back in the day I had little faith in the Colonel’s secret recipe.

2. Sung karaoke

Nobody will let me.

Which is a shame because I think this is my only option left of being discovered. (Gotta tell ya, #elderlymodelavailableforsnacks is not that lucrative.)

Although my pitch, harmony and actual, factual talent is not top, top tier, as I understand it the words play on a screen which is a huge plus. My memory for lyrics is also a tad lacking. (A teacher once asked who was making ‘that dreadful droning noise’ and I didn’t even realise it was me till my envious classmates all pointed my way. I had to stand at the front of the room and hum the song. Of course I managed to add a little toe shuffle in to jazz it up and was sent home with a note suggesting I either front up for lessons or zip it.)

I have put Sing Star on my Christmas list for eleven consecutive years.

I know, the thought of wasted time grieves me too.

3. Had a baby named after me

This one hurts.

I mean how many times can you put it out there? Jane. Jaaaaaane. Ja’ne. It’s perfect in any accent, for any child coming into the world.

I’ve had a racehorse named after me once. Not the racing name but still… She died after six months.

Let me at least say this; as someone whose body runs on kale, minuscule amounts of sauerkraut, yoga and whose soul is probably clean as a whistle also (although I’m not signing anything), some of you people need to rethink your parenting ideas. There could not be a better example as a namesake or potential Grammy winner.

It’s finger, lickin’ good.

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Anything you’ve never, ever done?
With child? Picked a name yet?

Photo by Jason Rosewell

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© The Yoga Connection 2017