42/50 Slightly Manic

1. I AM breathing

Working hard on not restricting my breath as a stress mechanism right now as I’m trying hard to tackle a tottering pile of emails and messages and maybe, just maybe, be a little organized for when I return.

Oh, how I’m doubled over laughing at that.

It seems the closer I get to going on this amazing trip that will also include work but not too much because it needs to be a break but at the same time I don’t want to waste any opportunities as who knows when I’ll get away again except there are people in my life I haven’t seen for over twenty years, longer even, and I can’t let that not happen because these are MY people and I need to remember who I was as well as who I am now because I’m almost fifty and QUITE POSSIBLY having a midlife crisis which is acceptable because if you can’t have a doozy when you’re fifty what is the point of anything and fifty is only nine days away and wow I hadn’t given it that much thought but oh my god the limited time we all have on earth and the scarcity of provisions for all humans and that some people still question climate change and women are STILL not paid the same as men makes me a tad pissed which is bad timing as I’m on shaky ground here already folks and I have no idea what to pack because we’re sort of in Spring and I’m going into the beginning of Autumn on one coast but it will probably be warmish I think and now is not the time to start sorting bathroom samples from 2013 which I have spent a portion of the afternoon doing as my laptop and phone aren’t syncing up and I’m making mental lists before the actual lists which is causing a headache and also I have absolutely nothing to wear and yoga clothes take up quite a lot of room and they’re not something I want to wear twice which reminds me I don’t know where the nearest laundromat is and this might be hard to believe what with me being so easy going and all but I need clean clothes every day and the thought of lugging round dirty clothes is UPSETTING ME.

Ahem.

I AM breathing.

2. So how’s the great American dollar looking?

I need to load my travel card.

I don’t know how.

I just want a lot of dollars.

WHY IS EVERYTHING AGAINST ME?

3. The wall

At this time in my life when I am rattling with medication and finding fun new phobias (buses!) I have an actual real-life niggle in the back of my deranged head.

What if I get mistaken for being an illegal immigrant and get put over the border to Mexico? I’ve never been to Mexico and if given the opportunity I would love to go. The food! The people! The music! The beaches! The food! But on my own terms would be preferable.

I do have a, hopefully not documented, history of breaking down in tears in both the UK Home Office and the US equivalent many years ago (because that’s exactly how you get your visa extended, kids) and I’m in no mood for a certain orange idiot to be mean. Things could get feisty.

I haven’t been to yoga today. Can you tell?

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Bring me down, people. It’s all getting a little cray, cray over here…

I would love to know though, if you’ve ever resorted to a very public breakdown in order to extend your visa? ABSOLUTELY no judgement here!

Photo by Pineapple Supply Co

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