39/50 Here's What I Know

1. Gorse is good

Today I learnt gorse, that rampant prickly bush covered in yellow flowers, was not as I’d understood it to be, an out-of-control pest killing all our native fauna. In factuality, it allows plants that prefer more shadow than light to flourish and bees love it. Hence, yes hence, it’s absolutely marvellous and somebody has been spreading porky pies.

And that, my friends, is the extent of my gardening/wildlife/bushwhacker knowledge. Let it sink in.

2. Multi-tasking is a fool’s game

I may not be a life coach but I can tell you this with certainty: Don’t run with a decaf, soy, extra, extra hot, flat white in Birks while attempting to video two dogs doing the rumpy pumpy in the rain. Don’t attempt to answer emails needing thoughtful, detailed answers when talking hot goss with your mum. You might want to give up eating and driving too. Such a mess.

Point is, one thing at a time. Let that sink in. (Like a third degree burn.)

3. I really am getting older

You know that time when you accidentally catch a glimpse of yourself and think oh, poor person and in the same breath realise it’s you?

Yes, that moment.

It’s been happening a lot lately and as confronting as it is to realise all those wrinkles and saggy bits belong to me, it’s also kind of freeing. Ish. There’s a few paths I could go down to deal to the wrinkles and sags but I don’t think a face full of filler is for me.* There’s no getting away from the fact I will soon be half a century which is half of a hundred if maths isn’t your thing. Or history.

A bit of hyperventilation is going on. THERE IS NO GOING BACK.

Thankfully, I’m of a calm disposition and will take a breath while sitting with this fun fact to ensure I age gracefully and with dignity.

Also, I am going to shower in the dark and use sellotape to pull my face back, old school style. Also also, there probably won’t be much dignity.

Ah, fuck it.

*No judgement if it’s for you. I mean, I could very well turn fifty and put all the filler in all the bits. I’ll be busting out of my yoga gears like a bendy Kardashian.
#buttimplantsforlyfe

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It being Sunday and a new week and all, have you got anything you’d like to share you know for certain? Please don’t let it be that you know I REALLY AM GETTING OLDER. Thank you.

Photo by Lydia Harper

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