34/50 Memories, Like Nah Nah Of My Mind
1. Can’t remember any words of songs
But! But, I can recall every single concert I’ve ever been to and how I felt.
And some people can’t, you know. That’s because I never inhaled.
2. Random people
There are these people who are firmly ingrained in my memory. Why, I don’t know. Our brief overlapping in life, whether from a passing comment or look or even from my one-sided knowledge of them, while they wouldn’t know me from a bar of soap, is taking up space in my head. Precious space that I would prefer to use for directions or where I put my ring for safekeeping in 2014.
Someone called James in the early ‘90’s who I met for all of about five minutes said, ‘wow, look at your teeth’! Everything he said following that, I remember in detail. There was nothing, I repeat nothing worth recalling and yet, there it is: James, my teeth and me.
The German woman who fed me on the wrong train (for me) as I sobbed into my potatoes and sausage. (I wasn’t crying because I was vegetarian, it was the SECOND time I’d got on the train to southern France when I was trying to get back to Hamburg. The complete opposite way. As you do.) She was part of a large group of large women (there were some mighty shelf-like bosoms pushing against the side of head, let me tell you) who immediately appeared as I lost my s**t. This particular one though, fed me with her fingers. I don’t think I actually saw her face but her hands petted me and she wore a plain gold band on her thumb. And now here she is, visiting in dreams and yoga classes when I can hear her voice, clear as day.
Can’t understand a word she’s saying, of course, but still.
That librarian at the first national paper I worked for. She NEVER spoke to us young reporters even though she would’ve been the same age. The swift toss of her sharply cut bob as she searched through the archives. Dark brown eyes, floral dresses and slender wrists; she was mean without saying a word.
I resent her popping into my head and I wonder if it’s because I am certain not one of these people remember me. Is it a bit tit for tat? If I play no part in your headspace, get out of mine?
Whatever it is, I think they’re here to stay. I need to accept I’ll never have an inbuilt GPS, there’s no room. Although you’d think at the very least I’d be fluent in German by now.
3. My city
I wanted to go to New York so badly when I was growing up. My longing was INTENSE, based on every American book, movie and Tiger Beat magazine. I was absolutely certain it was the only place on earth that would accept me as I was; the whitest brown girl there ever was, completely misunderstood and destined for Great Things.
Possibly, a tad over-dramatic too.
When I got told to leave left the UK almost thirty years ago I used all the hours working round the clock to get enough money to go via my spiritual home. I did it (helped in part by the fact I kept finding wads of money like a drug dealer, I’d hidden round my room. Nope, no idea why.)
Now I’m going back and I’m a bit nervous. My first visit lived up to everything I’d hoped it would. How many times does that happen in life?
I won’t be returning with the same desires or intentions mostly because I’m a proper grown-up (old) and my desire to go clubbing all night has somewhat diminished. I’m also thinking of taking my white noise machine.
Oh baby, it’s going to be a wild ride.
While I jest about the clubbing (not the white noise machine) I’m already thinking how these new memories will blend seamlessly into my old ones. They’ll be different for sure and that’s a good thing. I’m different.
I’ll discover new neighbourhoods, paths and connections, other coffee places and cafes and windows to look into. There’ll be yoga!
I’m going to notice everything and breathe it all in and when I need to, just like before, I can pull them out. I’m sure there’s room to keep them safe.
What’s a random memory you have? Or a special one you like to remember that’s just yours?
I’m getting excited!
Photo by Jen Raoult
© The Yoga Connection 2017