29/50 Sa Ta Na Ma

By admin | August 24, 2017 |

1. About last night

So, out last night till late. There was a little of this but lots of fun and hilarity and bed at 4am which does not work well when you’re supposed to take your medication within strict timeframes.

Not one drink and I didn’t feel tired at all except towards the end when my friend was, ah, gearing up for more.

There was noise, booze, glam people, awards given and awards not received. There was a bar and bowling, a cab for a block because the heels were too difficult to navigate and hot chips.

You know, the sort of night that used to happen at least a few times a week back in the day. Now though? A few things that stood out: I’m a LOT older and actually wondered if the ‘nice young men’ were being nice young men because I reminded them of their mothers. Fab.

Bowling can be tricky when you’ve never done it before and aren’t really listening to the instructions. Also I could hardly lift the balls and I’m freakishly strong.*

I really am a night person. I trained myself for years to get up super early and it has always been a struggle even though I did it for years (over 20!). Being on these tablets has forcibly changed that and although last night wasn’t the smartest move on them I’m much happier doing everything late at night, through the night sometimes, and could sleep a lot longer in the mornings if I didn’t feel judged by the perky people.

Anyway, this’ll be me for at least another month or so.

*Monica used to say this on Friends. I’m not sure why I keep saying it when I can’t even open jars. But I am.

2. It’s not like it used to be

And I’ll tell you why it’ll be me done for another month or so. Because I feel like my head is throbbing, my body hurts and my eyes are pinpricks.

Basically I have a mother of a hangover without touching a drop of alcohol or anything else.

The days of being out till three or four in the mornings till the clubs closed from Thursday through Sunday are over and that’s fine with me. I used to be able to go to work and interview people without any problem. This afternoon I found my car keys in the fridge.

I won’t see Greek islands the wrong way round, drinking Baileys for breakfast (!), sleeping all day and whatever it was we did, all night. That’s when strangers became travel companions and you stowed away on cargo ferries in 40+ degrees. Tonight I’m ignoring all messages unless they’re from my girl.

She’s a good influence.

3. Sa Ta Na Ma

Ah, this. This is my saving grace.

When I finally got up this morning I was instantly on hyper-alert of what had to be done and how behind I was already.

One of my problems with regularly practicing meditation is that I feel pressured to get it ‘right’, whatever that means. That’s usually my excuse for these sorts of mornings.

Something I’ve found that helps me without overthinking when I need to not overthink (like this morning) is this simple Kundalini mudra. I touch one finger at a time to my thumb, reciting Sa Ta Na Ma for each one. It leaves little room in my mind to be anything except still.

For me it works. But then I am freakishly focused.

Do you meditate regularly? Do you use a mantra or just sit with your breath? Do you think, look at me, I’m meditating? No judgement here.

Photo by Alina Grubnyak

Posted in Fifty Posts