Loved Up, Rained Out

I use the word ‘love’ a lot. A LOT, a lot.

I say I love it! for when someone’s just said something killer, as much as I say I love my family or I love reading or I love coffee. I also say I love my yoga. I say I love it when I’m on the mat, when I’m off the mat and when I’m anticipating my next class while leaving my last class.

To be clear, the frequency of use doesn’t dilute my love of any of these things. If anything I embrace all the loves in my life… with more love.

Love is all around.

Except for the night before the morning of yoga. That seems to present a few problems.

As it pelted down last night my immediate thought was, hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t go to the studio tomorrow because of, you know, all that rain. Which would be a legitimate reason if I was walking and didn’t own an umbrella. Or a coat. Or a car with window wipers.

Somehow I find myself having to navigate around self-imposed hurdles. Ridiculous mountains out of teensy tiny little molehills. Rain! Work! If I keep getting up at 5am after five hours sleep then I’ll keep ageing at the rate Dr Google tells me I’m ageing at! Those sorts of things.

Which makes no sense because no matter how little sleep, no matter how close the ever-present deadlines, no matter how hideous the weather, I’ve never regretted going to a class. Ever.

Yet sometimes it’s not till I actually arrive at the studio that I accept this yoga gig could be on. Why after all these years I still dance this dance, I have no idea.

It could be I have commitment issues. I did keep a gym membership for the first two years of my practice just in case this yoga thing didn’t work out. I used it maybe twice.

It could be that I like everything to be lined up just so in my world before heading out the door wearing my yoga love like a pair of form fitting Lulus.

I’m not entirely sure what constitutes an ideal state before each class but it’s got nothing to do with the practicalities of having my gear ready to go. I am as prepared as a Girl Guide on that front.

So, commitment issues and neurotic tendencies then.

Knowing that it’s too easy to choose the path of least resistance and knowing that I’m always going to get there but I’ll just go through this mental charade first.

I’m almost ambivalent about it. Not that I don’t care, rather that I want two things that seem to oppose each other. To get to the studio to practice the yoga I love and to not go because …

… I very possibly (probably, definitely) desire each and every class be the one I love the most. And it might not be.

That’s a lot of love pressure right there.

– Jane

What about you? Do you go through a will I, won’t I before your yoga practice? Even though you love it? Even though you’ve got no intention of not getting on the mat? Tell me I’m not the only one!

© The Yoga Connection 2015